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Date:2009-07-17 11:25
Subject:27th Verse of the Tao Te Ching
Mood: enlightened

A knower of the truth
travels without leaving a trace,
speaks without causing harm,
gives without keeping an account.
The door he shuts, although having no lock,
cannot be opened.
The knot he ties, though using no cord,
cannot be undone.

Be wise and help all beings impartially,
abandoning none.
Waste no opportunities.
This is called following the light.

What is a good man but a bad man's teacher? 
What is bad man but a good man's job? 
If the teacher is not respected
and the student not cared for,
confusion will arise, however clever one is.
This is the great secret.

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Date:2009-05-26 11:14
Mood: cheerful

I'm sincerely in love. No longer afraid to admit that wholeheartedly, but peacefully and gently.

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Date:2008-11-24 11:14
Subject:To my beloved fishies
Mood: chipper

I regretfully inform y'all that my pearl Betta, Hansel, has past away. He lived a good life of about 10 days in this home, but moved on to become a goat, or some cauliflower. (I'm thinking he moved up to goat though).

His last words were, "Codeine . . . bourbon."

After his passing, I decided it was time to move on and acquire more fish! I found out about a week later that having an even number of gold fish plus one black fish (making it odd) is good feng shui!- besides the fact that having only one gold fish is considered cruelty to animals in Denmark? or is it Iceland?
After desiccating the protozoa, ick, from the vase of which Hansel resided, I cleaned it with vinegar, to be fit for my new golden residents.

Their names are glug, fin, blubber, Darnel the token black fish, and spunky.

The live plants, however, are quarantined until deemed clean. Unfortunately though, after testing the water in my micro bio class, looks like there's fluorescent gas forming fecal coliform in there, even after two different water treatments. We have another water testing lab when we get back from thanksgiving break, only this time we're testing recreational water rather than drinking water, so we get more information on the growth, but I think I'm just going to have to buy new plants for the new fishy fishes.

The new fish are stoked to be in their desolate habitat, as long as they're together. It's really funny because they go through moods, like when I took them out of the baggie they sat in for 2 days then poured them into the fresh clean water vase, they went "woo hoo! Yeah!" Then last time I fed them, I could tell they felt like they were in fishy heaven.

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Date:2008-11-12 12:51
Mood: cheerful


Tickets for hepcat go on sale on sunday, the 16th!


It'll be december 20th at the el rey theater in LA

Shouldn't be more than twenty bucks.

I'm suuper excited. I've been wanting to see them live for a while!


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Date:2008-10-16 17:47
Mood: excited

I'm bettafied!

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Date:2008-08-11 21:19
Mood: bubbly

i love that my girlfriends are strong, enthusiastic, vivacious, effervescent, irrepressible spirits

as a whole, whether united or separate, the light is being brought into this world triumph after another

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Date:2007-08-21 01:39
Subject:with love

todays question of the day is:

what entitles honor?

it's not just the samarai swords who acquire it,

but the average every day american.

they gain it through some vice, if not many

i will give to those freely who deserve it

in which ever shape, shift or form it requires


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Date:2007-08-07 00:43
Mood: joyful

i realize that i am reckoned into this reality that is the future vs. the past

a journey of today and tomorrow.

and so i will not complain:

my life is somewhat on a scale of constant revision, into cycles of what i do weigh heavily upon certain ideas, but i think i need to put my head in the books moreso. i've been having a lapse of feeling good about myself. an inner-through-outer incompleteness.

this man looks within himself to find his own answers.

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Date:2007-07-31 11:12
Subject:when's the next ellipse eclipse? sinister cynic.
Mood: sinister and cynical

So, in the midst of all this chaos, i'm finally home. for one day...

I've been to Telluride, Colorado for the ultimate bluegrass festival. lots of good food, insane headliners (i.e. allison krauss, Emylou Harris, Bela Fleck, yonder mountain string band and the like), and tons of good company. It was the strangest feeling in the world though, going through my phase of heartbreak and overexaggerated traumatization and being a midst 20,000 of the world's happiest sad people.

I realized through that adventure that life isn't worth living if you're going to die nobly for a cause. It is the mark of a mature man to live humbly for one.

And so... coming home with my bronze golden colorado background of an experience, i was once again whisked off to another far and foreign region, me amo baja california.

The family was as good as ever, dancing with our ups and downs, rotating in circles, drunk... off our asses. San Jose shopping extravaganzas, harry potter, white oleander's sipid strength, E for ecstacy, meditations on the beach, off the beach, in the hammock... sleeping on the roof, experiencing the night sounds of ocean spray and bright stars glowing o'erhead, missed the southern cross viewing:(.

I would say the pinkest of all those moments though was when my 3rd cousin and i went treasure shell hunting, climbed in the cave, got soaked diving after the accidental castaway sandal, noticed a glimpse of "are those pilot whales?", wha!?!????? climb that mountain!?!?!? crab interaction -- via it falling on my foot as we jetted off into the stickery distance, making it to the top to enjoy the pink sunset clouds hovering over the world's edge, beautiful mountains opposite of this rare momentus occasion that requires nothing but a smile.

then the next and last day natalliah left for school leaving me ambitious to finally go snorkeling. Under the impression that my location was farther than it actually was, I was under attacks of anxiety! no room to breath and no visibility (for a trade off of bioluminescence, as described by the dreamy scottish doctor) and an inherent fear for all of the shark sitings in the recent past and of course the fear rubbed off onto me via my cousin equals my sticking my head in the cloudy water in the only place where it's clear only to discover... A FRIGGEN SHARK!!! it was scary. until i scraped my legs and scrambled to climb on the rocks where i realized it was merely a sucker shark. a big sucker shark... but still. freakish.

phew. so that was it for my diving adventures. no more water.

i hiked up to the top of the mountain to try and soothe myself.

the night ended with cool company giving us this grand bottle of tequila which ultimately got stolen and hidden by my father even though it was a gift to both of us. he's been a real pain in the ass lately.

but i'm still trying to upfront the love. despite all of this hatred i've encountered including a rather aggressive approach to tell me "the truth" ["fat bitch ho. i hope you die"]. people you don't know can be so mean sometimes.

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Date:2007-07-07 18:17
Subject:it's adventure man!

journey to telluride bluegrass festival through my fathers' eyes.

leaving for baja on tuesday!

will be back in august :)

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Date:2007-07-02 00:22
Subject:dead lightbulbs prohibited.
Mood: okay

It's time to voice my love for the world. i'm walking a tight rope into an open abyss.

I'm leaving for Cabo Pulmo up and coming Monday (9th). My Grand holey Canyon light sunburn undertoned with a Colorado suntan will transform into a South of the Border skination. au revior beautiful sceneric canyons, rocks and foresty wildflowers. que paso hombre! woo joo!

Remember the positive ancestors and block out the diseased moments in your life, look forward to a brighter future which has brilliant light written all over it. I met this girl who I was afraid of to all my ends (for fear of transformation into those negative aspects) but her positive traits were uplifting. She impressed me with her different shades and tones of white. mmmmm. feels soo good to think of the beautiful.

Sometiemes i feel like i stop trying for all of those things that matter most to me. i see a lot of loss in worth and break that! liberate into free breathing flowing air! no more decapitating judgements! working on the outer level. thank God for inexperienced mothers who call you out on moral stance.

the mind has several fragile aspects i find myself wanting to destroy sometimes. drop and shatter. just because it's weak. is that struggle for power? or voluntary loss. insert cliche here.

i'm finally voicing my opinions on things i believe will hex me inevitably breaking me free. it's been a while since i've had successfully wholesome jovial social contact, other than what's changing in the male female referenda. intimate female to female contact at times feels increasingly sparse, so when it does actually arrive, inner stigmatisms (such as sexual desire controling me which i often try hard to conceal, but once it's out in the open, i feel sooo much better. finally, my sexual frstration is healing itself. i have no control over the reaction i will receieve so why do i worry about it so much? i don't always understand the concept of self-protection, the vulnerability traps and frees me enough to make it an addictive lifestyle. rage and beauty.

so, overall, i'm letting the swelling in my blister heal, rather than popping it. we'll see if by chance something insignificant will fall into the significant category and vice versa.

geeze you've changed. why the red eyeshadow?

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Date:2007-05-08 10:45
Subject:blind submission
Mood: bloody bowels

it sucks because there is some point where you have to stop what you're avoiding, and give in. Society can put some major chains on your vibe yo.

I encountered this lady yesterday who was pushing a cart around really slow, and she said aloud, "You'd never guess it, but i have a degree in physical sciences." Then the bus rolled up, and it's patrons got on silently (as usual) but it was eery.

Oy, only one more month and a half to go!

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Date:2007-03-23 08:51
Mood: a lil' maturity

inner awakening, up and out to greet everybody. :)

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Date:2007-03-18 10:35
Subject:all it takes is discipline
Mood: excited

I've got butt dimples!

yay hooray!

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Date:2007-02-14 22:25

Maybe i should take a step back and reevaluate the things i concentrate on.

Maybe i should care more about the miniscule details of lifes pleasures - aka statics.

that's tight how i'm actually learning something moderately delightful, how things work, how society holds things up with pillars, the loads applied, stresses exerted in certain areas, and the cables who hold no tension or compression. just chillan.

applying statics to real life is so much more entertaining than studying it to a science. but it seems the science is the perfectionistic, insanely detail oriented. i just wish it were beauty i was looking at.

it's true. i'm not really taking the steps toward being a better student. i'm learning to be happy. but i guess i should change my opinion of being a great student and realize that it's the outer extra curriculars is all second best to intelligence. using it is so much less important than learning it, because you'll always have a chance to use it. it's just the fact that maybe i'll freeze up and worry i don't know the material when test shows itself and chance prevails to tell you somethin.

i really need to join band. i think that was one of the only things keeping me alive in water. the music kept me afloat.

but of course, this is college. my days dont consist of 6:30-5 anymore. and how is it that i kept going to school? every day like that. it's because there were tons of breaks. college doesn't quite give as many. it's like, homework, all day. homework could be confined, if there was just more time.

why is it so easy to all of a sudden change your ways?

just as easy as it is to think about it.

yay! i'm thinking! hooray. * <-- firework.

it's time to appreciate, but not get big headed about it. i think thats one of the things i learned from my mindtrap called bryan. to inflate with pride.

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Date:2007-02-04 22:56
Mood: clumsily chipper

"You fool!"

about time.

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Date:2007-01-30 13:19
Mood: en route


i have a lot of crap to do
and all it takes is to get started
to live the life of freedom
the style i choose.

but i also know it takes work to get what you want.

work work work work work.


strenuous ardor.

not lazy roadtrips across america
to discover some sort of hope and new light in your life

but actualizing what is great in your life right now

and normalizing it.
that's all it takes

ps- first water polo tourny this weekend!
and seeing kevy wednesday! (i've been dying to tell someone! but no one knows who he is! :( )

also, i think my computer is exploding.

pss- i miss you

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Date:2006-11-29 22:21
Subject:oh boy

seems to me like i'm just not aiming, looking for a relationship.

just an open friendship where i can freely express myself

no holdin me back

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Date:2006-10-02 01:09
Mood: powerful

it's official,

the only thing that's going to kill me is cancer.

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Date:2006-09-26 09:01
Mood: mellowly happy.

long first day of school
brfday c-note

unretained dirty teeth.

what a wonderful day. --time for a nap

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